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acceptance
February 2009 
reconsidering change
Posted on Dec 27th, 2007
by 
Mila
Mila
(I started to write this months ago, but didn't feel ready to finish what I started. Here goes:)
Too often, people think that solving the world's problems is based on conquering the earth, rather than touching the earth. C. Trungpa (via Siona)
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to change the world - I've never quite known how, or in what way, but as I think we all do ... I wanted to leave the world a better place than when I got here.
And as a result we spend our lives in pursuit of that one thing - whether it means securing a livelihood and future for our loved ones by working hard, making a profit and saving money, or speaking out against global warming, fighting terrorism at home and abroad, or becoming a deeply spiritual being and meditating for the liberation of all beings.
What happens the world fails our hopes and dreams? What happens when terrible things happen to our loved ones despite everything we've done? What happens when injustice continues despite our faith that our world can be saved? How do we reconcile the terrible things that happen in this world with a faith that we will overcome?
I wonder if that very desire - to change the world - to turn it from what it is into what it is not - might not be what gets us into so much trouble. What motivates Christian fanaticism is the same thing that motivates Muslim fundamentalism, the same thing that pits environmentalists and the oil industry in intractable debate, the same thing that fuels both anger and adulation of George Bush: a belief that the world is wrong the way it is, that in some deep-rooted way the existence of mankind is scarred by the sin of existing with anger and sadness and joy and love and desire and envy.
When I posted about waterboarding; when I talked with my friends about politicians claiming it isn't torture, I felt something rising up within my being, something powerful and tempting, as duality often is: anger over the use of torture that threatened to turn those using and supporting its use into my enemies, into dark, inhuman, unfeeling shadow beings who deserved to suffer for their actions.
Why? Because I don't understand how people can be so harmful to each other, how someone can stand in front of us and tell us that certain crimes against each other are justified because it is the only way our enemies will talk, will change, will come to our side or die. But in those moments that I felt the darkness rising, I understood. That very desire to save the world, to change the world, can divide us all and feed the very qualities we wish to leave behind.
As if we are pitted in a battle, all against all, to be the one to bring the world to peace and prosperity and enlightenment, to overcome those who don't believe the world will improve our way, to fight against ideas and actions counter to our own.
With change there is always opposing force; and forces which oppose generate heat and friction; hate and rancor; ill-will and violence. Here we are, each of us, believing that we know which way to steer the universe to save us all. And yet most of us still don't even understand ourselves.
Is it my work to change you into my image of perfection? Or is it my work to understand myself, my being, my place in this existence and to align myself with the vision of good I want to see in the world?
True change through skillful action requires tremendous understanding, a sort of nearly-omniscient wisdom and knowing that very few of us - if any - possess. Yet so many of us believes - whether by the morality we've learned or the concepts we've formed of right living - that we are imperfect, that who we are now must change, must conform to some ideal version of ourselves that we've envisioned. But is it truly possible for us to know what shape our perfect being will take while we are still occluded by ignorance? Or should we remain open and learn in every moment?
What use is it to tell ourselves with anger that we are not who we should be? Or that we have failed to live up to our own ideals in the past? What will that energy - angry, inward, sharp - create in ourselves except a dual existence: I, the struggling Good, and me, the sinner, the spiritual terrorist knocking myself down every chance?
And isn't that energy reflected outward in our immediate world and so on? If we do not choose to forgive ourselves for our own perceived failures, to spend our time learning who we are and how to live that life with the least resistance and most understanding possible - then we play out the same charade on every level of life: your loved one must stop nagging you; your family needs to be more supportive; the other driver is a crazy bitch; your boss should pay you more; your government should be impeached and tried for treason and war crimes; all evildoers in the world should pay dearly for their crimes.
And the best of intentions turns our hearts dark and bloody.
I used to think I wanted to change the world; I used to think I wanted to change myself. But when I use 'change' in that context, I imply a value by the very fact that nobody - not one person ever living - wanted to change the world for the worse; we all want to make it better; to make it less sick; to make it only beautiful and joyful.
I used to hate decrepit, crumbling buildings; graffiti; trash blowing like tumbleweed across the road; the noise of cities. With new eyes I come to see these things as a part of nature, just as we are a part of nature; I have stood on the top of a landfill, the odor and sandy brown dust of discarded remnants of human life stinging my eyes, looked out over sugar and pineapple fields, past a green and grey dormant volcano, toward the sea and sky stretched out in blue and white until they faded at the horizon, and lost the line between pretty and ugly.
Our purpose is not change, not improvement. It is accepting. It is healing. It is understanding. Our purpose is becoming. Who we are. What we are.
Without accepting ourselves, we can't see who we really are and who we will become. Resistance necessitates something to resist; a force to push against; resistance creates ignorance, anger, violence, hatred inside us, even against ourselves. Acceptance reunites and creates peace and compassion, a place of healing. As we allow ourselves to heal, we learn the wisdom and understanding of the things we pushed away. We learn the secrets in ourselves that we locked away so that we could fight the good fight.
And where does all that energy go - the force of emotion we can collect in support of resistance? All that energy that used to drain out of you and yet seemed to do so little to help the world, leaving you cynical, disillusioned, and too tired for continuing the work of actualization?
It becomes ours for growth. We've stopped using it like a napkin against a torrential downpour. We begin to act - not out of desire to change and reform the world, but simply to provide aid and compassion - where we are most powerfully able. Change itself does not stop because we stop trying to force it; change is the only constant we know. The lie of 'changing the world' is that it isn't about creating change but rather resisting it.
Step out of your way, step out of the way of evolution and actualization and becoming - enter the slow and agonizing process of self-acceptance, of forgiveness, that will inspire self-understanding. See the lines shimmer and fade and open your eyes to a world that is evolving on its own, not in spite of us, not on account of us, but with us.
Even our desire for change, our ability to feel indignant and recognize injustice, are a part of who we are. So, too, are war and cruelty. Bloodshed, violence, cruelty, suffering - these will never be things we love, but responding with hate only fuels these fires. We can learn from the wisdom of the Buddha, of Jesus and of countless other teachers who have always recognized that hate only begets hate, and that only love, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance can overcome hate.
So let us not turn our eyes away from injustice, from violence, from the terrible things we do to each other and to our world, but let us also remember to see justice, joy, kindness, and the beautiful and limitless love of which we are not only capable but actually practice every day to those closest to us.
Let us stop judging ourselves first, slowly, as we can, stop telling ourselves what we shouldn't be and start to listen to what this form is telling us about who we are. Your evolution doesn't stop even if you stop trying to force it; you were built to grow, to evolve, to become. When you stop forcing, you allow the natural process of your own growth to continue. And as we begin to understand the parts of our nature that make hatred and violence possible, we see ourselves respond in those ways a little less powerfully; we begin to understand the why and the how, and what things must lead to such acts.
And suddenly we reflect peace, healing, understanding, becoming out into the world, and the natural process of the world's growth feeds off that energy, first in your immediate community and quickly outward in ways none of us can imagine.
But as far as I'm concerned, I don't want to change the world any more. I want to be part of the world becoming.
Access: Public
Beautiful stuff, Jake. :) Bravo!
beautiful stuff indeed!thanks for sharing
Wow. Welcome to the other side. Just remember though, you're on your own now.
Holy quotable batman!
“So let us not turn our eyes away from injustice, from violence, from the terrible things we do to each other and to our world, but let us also remember to see justice, joy, kindness, and the beautiful and limitless love of which we are not only capable but actually practice every day to those closest to us. ”
Awesome post! :)
Wonderfully written… inspiring, passionate, and amazingly eye-opening.
I've had a similar thought process, but I've never quite been able to put it all together like you have explained/expressed above. Just in time for the new year, for the unfolding of our Gaia community, and for the reflection of where we've been and where we want to go. As with previous posts you have written Jake, I am completely convinced that you shine a light on things that others (including myself) would other wise miss, and I am grateful that you are willing to share your perspective.
Embrace the Becoming!
This is so incredible, Jake!! THIS is something I will share with MANY friends both online and offline… you have articulated an inner feeling that I've not been able to put my finger on … so beautifully well that I am deeply moved by this and wish to chime in with a resounding “YES! Exactly!” … Thank you for finding words for feelings that ring with truth!
The beauty of your words, the immediate resonance, the feeling that I wrote or felt or said this…your post is a classic, Jake. Amazing wisdom. Each sentence quotable.Thank you.
Money: Here we are, each of us, believing that we know which way to steer the universe to save us all. And yet most of us still don't even understand ourselves.
–
This time last year I wrote something in my journal that reminded me of what you've said here: “I'm moving toward the middle path. It is a slow process but doesn't hurt anymore. Tonglen and sitting bring clarity. When there is no clarity, I accept that, too. It's been a year of learning to accept.
The work has barely begun. I have a long way to go and it's going to be the rest of my life accepting and loving others, developing wisdom, seeing the world as it is. Seeing myself as I am. I am that I am that I am that I am.” (the rest of it is here if you want to read it…I am right there, alongside you.)
well done, sir. well done.
A blog from the heart and much wisdom, yes it only comes one heart at a time and our acceptance of the wisdom within all, being gentle loving and inclusive is what will triumph in the end. If we truly accept our own faults how can we possibly judge another, all are on the path the only the route differs.
deep, rich wisdom
Your progression of words opens us to an understanding beyond these words
Reflect Peace my friend
:)
Jake, these words of yours reminded me of my angst while parenting - how to help kids to make their way in the world without killing their uniqueness while doing so? Whether we like it or not, as parents we have to guide and help and discipline kids.
These words of yours rang in my mind today:
“I wonder if that very desire - to change the world - to turn it from what it is into what it is not - might not be what gets us into so much trouble….I felt something rising up within my being, something powerful and tempting, as duality often is:”
With kids, it's not even a desire; it's supposedly a duty. But whenever I felt that I HAD to tell the kids something because the school or the teacher or the spouse or grandparents or a friend felt I should; it just didn't work; because I'd have anger, not so much against their resistance, but against my own. That would come out as greater anger and seem to be directed against them. I decided when I saw this, that nothing positive could be achieved.
I began instead to see the bigger picture and direct the kids towards that - one that both they and we could see.
In this case, too, we need a clear understanding of who the world is, who we are, what we want, what the world wants, and if there is really such a thing as the world outside of I/we.
Many on Zaadz realize that the real change is within each person. There is nothing more we can accomplish. It is not something that NEEDS to happen. It is somthing that IS happening.
This is a beautiful blog, Jake. I'm going to nominate it on Om Bastet's Collective Wisdom pod.
I have a fair amount of personal experience with people who work in the 'changing the world' for the better arena. I mean political figures, human rights 'fighters', etc. In each case I've noticed a disconnect – the 'good' work is not always reflected in the personal area. I was married to a man who's parents worked with Martin Luther King. They were violently abusive to their children. My mother was very active in the anti-apartheid movement in South Africa. Although I know her heart is in the right place, her behaviour and actions are extremely judgemental of others. I have so many other examples. Something seems wrong with this picture.
I remember reading Alan Watts on this - how if people who do 'good' in the world (ie change it..) do it for certain reasons and hidden agendas ( eg. to prove to themselves and others that they are 'good' people) then whatever they do is tainted with these agendas.
I just posted up a blog with some videos of Byron Katie working in Israel. Such simple, deep work, very much along the lines of what you are talking about Jake. How to bring our awareness fully to what is, to see the beauty in that, which is ever unfolding, always there, no matter how much our thoughts try to tell us otherwise. In this space, from this space, well.. as you say, we reflect the peace and healing that we truly want for all.
Love and gratitude,
Sandra
Hey, Jake, is that not interesting — what thoughts run through my mind in response to you posting, your intent? How Divinely generous that you be SO intimate by sharing your dreams with US? WE love that!
You are right. I should want to be a part of the world that I want to help change for the better.
Sweet Reflections,
B.
Thank you Jake! what you speak of is cultivating non-dual awareness. this is very difficult, and goes beyond what most people think of as a practice. to be with the truth as opposed to having the truth be with you; not a truth to be “found”.
as Suzuki Roshi said: “Things as it is”. not merely a grammatical error, but a different perspective…….and like Gwen and many others–I am alongside you, a sojourn that has no end.
**GW: “Just remember though, you're on your own now.”
I would beg to differ, none of us is on our own:
“The flower does not bloom without the whole Spring behind it.”
blessings,
E.
Jake, Thank you for this wonderful blog. Everything you said here is what my book “Inside Out ” Is all about and I mean it.I used to think the world needed to change, by that I mean everybody in it . Then I came to realize that there is a world that needs to change and it was my own little personal world. My book is not how everybody needs to change, it is all about what I needed to change, which I really did not change who I am, I just uncovered who I am NOT. I was looking at my true self sitting in my own prison, by that I mean my body was my own prison and I blame no body for putting me there, I put myself there. I know it did look like to me that my parents had put me there with thier false beliefs but that is because I believed them, or did I really believe them, No not all of them. And anybody that is willing to be honest with thierself will agreed with me on this. I found that the same thing that I had blamed for helping me to cover or buried myself, had helped me to unbury myself, aint that wonderful. That's right. What was out side of me, helped me to cover myself up and when I stopped the blaming then what was out side, had help me to uncover.
About forgiveness, I think it would make a great FIRE ALARM, because all you have to do is say anything about FORGIVENESS and they are gone,I have found very few of my friends here that will speak about it at all. When you get some understanding of forgiveness you will get some understanding of who you are. This here that I paste from your blog Jake, is just some I had time to comment on but I believe and I pratice all of it. I don't have to have it my way, most think they win something when they get it thier way. I've learned that opposeing anything is not a good thing.I do not have to have anything a certain way, I may like it a certain way but if it is not then I am not going to throw it at you!! If my eggs are not just the way I like them, maybe it's because I didn't cook them, you know sometimes I do cook them and they still aint the way I like them.I jump at every chance not to complain, it makes me feel good!! Little things like this is a part of forgiveness, and there really is not any little or big, it's just something that man has added to forgiveness.
Your friend, Don
The rest here is what I paste from Jakes blog, but it be good to read it again if you want to.
And isn't that energy reflected outward in our immediate world and so on? If we do not choose to forgive ourselves for our own perceived failures, to spend our time learning who we are and how to live that life with the least resistance and most understanding possible - then we play out the same charade on every level of life: your loved one must stop nagging you; your family needs to be more supportive; the other driver is a crazy bitch; your boss should pay you more; your government should be impeached and tried for treason and war crimes; all evildoers in the world should pay dearly for their crimes.
And the best of intentions turns our hearts dark and bloody.
I used to think I wanted to change the world; I used to think I wanted to change myself. But when I use 'change' in that context, I imply a value by the very fact that nobody - not one person ever living - wanted to change the world for the worse; we all want to make it better; to make it less sick; to make it only beautiful and joyful.
I used to hate decrepit, crumbling buildings; graffiti; trash blowing like tumbleweed across the road; the noise of cities. With new eyes I come to see these things as a part of nature, just as we are a part of nature; I have stood on the top of a landfill, the odor and sandy brown dust of discarded remnants of human life stinging my eyes, looked out over sugar and pineapple fields, past a green and grey dormant volcano, toward the sea and sky stretched out in blue and white until they faded at the horizon, and lost the line between pretty and ugly.
Our purpose is not change, not improvement. It is accepting. It is healing. It is understanding. Our purpose is becoming. Who we are. What we are.
Without accepting ourselves, we can't see who we really are and who we will become. Resistance necessitates something to resist; a force to push against; resistance creates ignorance, anger, violence, hatred inside us, even against ourselves. Acceptance reunites and creates peace and compassion, a place of healing. As we allow ourselves to heal, we learn the wisdom and understanding of the things we pushed away. We learn the secrets in ourselves that we locked away so that we could fight the good fight.
Thank you Jake for this post. You express your ideas very well. I haven't thought completely about all the ideas here in this post, but I'd say that I agree with most, and feel encouraged by them. Good job! I like the idea of saving my energy for something fun instead of using it to change the world. Cool. You got it right, bro. Big smiles.
Jake.
I'm late in responding. I've felt a similar inner shift for a while now, perhaps even since the beginning of Zaadz.
I've written before that I don't wish to change the world, but rather, I want to allow the world to change… I want to be open to and embrace and accept and encourage that which is always and already in the process of unfolding. (There are intimations of midwifery in this, and intimations, too, of my former griefwork; the similarities between assisting at a birth and assisting at a death are wondrously strong.) And I think you've put this , so well, with that 'becoming.'
I remember reading somewhere not long ago something along the lines of “In many cases things weren't that bad until someone tried to change them.” It's made me smile wryly; there's some truth to that.
But all I wanted, really, to say here was thank you. As Kindred wrote, there's something deeply resonant with the whole of our recent community trasition in this. Perhaps I'm making too much of it, but I love the groundedness and acceptingness and deeply sweet sense of trust you've evoked. It's beautiful. It's Gaia. Thank you, again and again and again.
First, my thanks to Don for leading me into this definitely not-to-be-missed and quite gaia-moving blog! You've written deeply from your heart and at this moment after reading and feeling what you wrote I open up to one of those infinite possibilities this day could offer - reconsidering my goal of changing the world through changing myself into one of becoming myself through forgiving, accepting and understanding myself in alignment with how the world is evolving. I would call this truly a moment of truth. Thank you for sharing your perspective here at gaia, Jake!
“enter the slow and agonizing process of self-acceptance, of forgiveness, that will inspire self-understanding. See the lines shimmer and fade and open your eyes to a world that is evolving on its own, not in spite of us, not on account of us, but with us. “
what a lovely invitation.
and thank you for the entire post. deeply, thank you.
-d
Changing the world can start with a smile to a stranger.
Great post!
(Found you thru Gwen via Twitter)
Perfect Blog!!!
OH MY…. can’t say more than that. Thank you I can can say - for so beautifully expressing this.
Blessings, David